How Do You Heal A Broken Heart?

For what it is worth…

Over a year ago I realized that I had fallen in love with a friend of mine. It just sort of happened on it’s own, I didn’t plan it, one day it hit me like “Wow, I didn’t see the ‘L’ word coming.” It’s easy for us to ‘like’ people in our lives but to love someone is more complicated than that.

You know, the kind of moments where you do something and wonder if that someone else would enjoy it as well. Or connecting on a crazy level because you understand what they heck they are going through. Yep, sounds odd for 2018 but it still happens people. We’re still out there!

So what do you do? You do the right thing, go for broke risk it all, risk looking foolish, risk loosing the friendship and you tell them exactly how you feel. Hey, tomorrow could be your last day and you don’t want any regrets, NONE!

I took that risk and and discovered the feeling was not mutual. Now I didn’t completely ruin the friendship but found that area where you say, “Ok, God, how do you turn this thing off?”

For a while I was embarrassed.

You see for three years I have been changing everything about me. It is on that process that is supposed to be all positive that I created something negative. For me to be happy, I developed a belief that love was a force to be avoided, that I had hurt long enough in my lifetime that the reason I felt great now was because I focused on a me that became incapable of love.

For seven days I have been overcome with the feeling I have avoided for several years now. It has been some of the hardest days of my life. That’s the thing about life, it will throw a wrench into your gears just to see if your paying attention.

Today, I realized that I have nothing to be embarrassed about. Yes, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same. Are they still my friend, YES THEY ARE!

You see, life is so short, tomorrow it could be over and who wants to die with a heart full of love? Love is a beautiful thing and if you feel it, for the love of Pete don’t hold it in! Someone may say no but enjoy the feeling of being in love, you know, that feeling when hearing their voice makes you tremble. That’s right this ‘old school’ guys is going ‘old school’ here.

The reality is, yes I am in love with a friend but I would rather love a friend then hate an enemy for the rest of my life!! Can I be a friend? Another way of asking that is “Do I want this person in my life?” Yes I do!

Someday someone is going to come along and do what I have failed to so and sweep them off their feet. But the test of any love for someone is wanting them to find love, even if it is not with you.

I’m likely in trouble once this is posted but that’s ok, because at this moment I have no regrets. Take today to live and love like there is no tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come!

The world could use more love!!

Dirtus Fillorum

I got home from work last night and found a letter was sticking outside of my mailbox. I opened the mailbox and found some paper attached to this letter. Not able to see in the dark, I took it inside and found my oldest son, Lynden had left me a reminder of his big heart.

Lynden's heart
My children have so much heart!

Lynden always worries about my empty fridge and wanted to make sure that I had something to eat. He wanted to make sure I had gotten it so much that he walked over after I got home and made sure I had it. Also the attached papers were his schedule for band solo competition this Saturday we are going to.

This morning I finished reading my fifth book of the year! The books title is UP YOURS: FINDING AND CLIMBING YOUR LADDER OF SUCCESS by: Josh Liske. If your looking to improve your life and your business, I highly recommend this book to you!

five books
Finished my 5th book this year!

As for this later morning, I went back to work on The Boondock Kids and wrote out the next page. Before, Louis and Cristena had jumped through the opening in the ground and found themselves inside the flame-lit cavern of Rascone’s home.

As Louis and Cristena laughed, Mario and Sindy were assured they were both fine. The day light had now gone completely and Rascone encouraged Mario and Sindy to jump into the hole. Sindy agreed to go next and being that she has cat-like reflexes, she was able to land on her feet. However, she would no more than flip her hair out of her face before being pulled aside by Louis and Cristena.

“Hey,” Sindy said.

“Sorry, you don’t want what happen to us to happen to you do you?” Ciristena replied.

Just then, Mario fell to the ground, rolled over one time, stood up and quickly dusted himself off. Mario could not believe how awesome that was as he walked to the side and stared around the cavern.

Kelmare and Rascone followed and as each stood up, Kelmare began to shake himself off from the dirt as Rascone raised his hands towards the opening and said the words, ‘Dirtus Fillorum’.  Mario, Louis, Sindy and Cristena watched as the opening seemed to grow itself shut.

When Sindy asked what he had done, Rascone let everyone know that he was simply shutting his front door. He then assured The Boondock Kids that they could leave at anytime by using the words ‘Dirtus Uncovereth’.

After some hours of working for me this morning, I am going to get in a walk at a local state park before going in to work for a paycheck. Have a great afternoon and make the most of it!

 

Evermore: Everlasting by: L.B. Fox

Anime_Warrior_by_chaotixwol[1]

All at once their battles consumed them, HE & SHE know that this is the fight, of not only their lives, but also, the very existence of any possible future. Blades clash, releasing bent up anger and disdain. Arrows soar through the air towards the two soldiers of fate, hitting each, numerous times and yet they continue fighting, side by side. With the feeling of her by his side, HE fights with the soul of one thousand warriors. Nothing can stop him, it would seem that not even the ominous maiden of death could slow his beating heart, since it had been freed by her such a short fraction of time ago.

HE wheeled his swords as if, with every swing, his heart, his soul, grew stronger and filled him with adrenaline. SHE was different! SHE stood by him when it was clear that SHE, too, was unsure that HE would not crush her core. Thoughts of her raced through his mind as HE faced his battle with form and grace. His soul had been mended and his spirit had been given back to him!

With one final stance, HE was victorious! His own battle, filled with pain and demons, had clearly seen his explosion of life and had come to know, early on, that it was absolutely no match for the intensity of this warrior. Fleeing into the horizon, his battle would disappear from sight. Then, a crippling emotion ran over his body. The air had gone silent…

Fearing the very worst, HE turn around to find his beloved no longer fighting, but rather, standing face to face with the very leader of her long pained battle.

SHE stood face to face with the leader. The pain of the past could not cover the smallest glimmer of hope that remained in the confines of her once locked heart. Looking into the eyes of the leader, SHE felt a sense of need slowly build inside her being that would not allow her to shake loose. As the leader reached out his hand, SHE began to feel weak. Everything SHE had fought for was pointless in her eyes.

SHE reached out her hands, placing the painful blade into the leaders grasp. With a smile of pure enjoyment upon his face, the leader turned her away from him, to face the one who had fought at her side. It was clearly visible from her eyes, that HE was in a state of violent shock. SHE could see his angst building rapidly. However, SHE knew there was nothing SHE could do against her battle.

With a firm hand on her right shoulder, the leader forced her to her knees. The instance her knees hit the ground, the most painful tears began to flow from her eyes, like that of a mighty, free-flowing river. SHE made no sound and gave no hint of pain, yet the tears flowed.

At the sight of her tears, HE drew his swords in preparation to slay her demons, all alone if fate would have it that way. His swords would slowly fall to the ground at the sight of which HE had never seen before. SHE had placed one hand into the air, a symbol of her acceptance of the leader. HE could not believe how fate had yet twisted again.

SHE closed her eyes as the leader made his way around to her backside. With the smallest of kisses to the back of her head, the leader thrust the blade into the nearly healed scare. SHE screamed like never before! The tears flowed so now that skin had stressed and blood began to flow down her face. Unable to stand, SHE could only rest there, hoping that fate was with her as SHE watched the outcome of her decision unfold.

HE could only watch as the leader made his way towards him. HE knew what fate had in store for his soul and that there was nothing in the heavens which would allow him to stop such an act. Standing before him, the leader placed out his right hand. Against every will in his being, HE handed his blade over and watched as the leader made his way, ever so slowly behind him. A silence fell over the region, HE & SHE stared at one another, one with shock and the other with disbelief.

Then an explosion of pain like HE had never thought possible entered his core! HE fell to the ground and wriled in pain, twisting and turning in failed attempts to outmaneuver the pain and torture. Soon the all too familiar feeling had set in and the pain dulled. HE stared at the leader as SHE slowly stood and took his hand.

How could something fought and died for be all in vain, HE thought, lying there in ruin. Walking away together, SHE turned back to see him lying there in a sea of failure. That would be short-lived as her face would be turned around for her by the leader. Her tears subsided as they walked into the horizon and out of sight.

It would be some time before HE was able to stand to his feet, however, when he did, HE glared across the wasteland and knew that it had been and would forever be his home. A sense of chaotic peace entered his soul, as his eyes turned black and his heart slowed to a nearly non-existent rhythm. Knowing that his battle would one day return, HE made his way across the wasteland, forever carring in his locked core, the pain of a lost love, the pain that would become, Everlasting….

It Could Happen To You

it could

Tonight, I sat down to write and found myself lost in an old film that I have not seen in years. I sat down at my desk and watched the wonderful 1994 film, It Could Happen To You. This has to be, hands down, one of my favorite movies. Yes, I am a guy and I am saying I like this type of film! It follows a man who can’t afford to leave a tip for his waitress at a new york cafe. The kind-hearted man offers her half of a lottery ticket that he had just purchased in exchange for him not having a tip for her. She jokingly accepts and finds out that he won the lottery and keeps his word, splitting four million dollars in half with her! The two become good friends, helping others every chance they get. Both of their marriages are failing however, and as her husband moves back in, his wife throws him out, leaving the two to stay and The Plaza Hotel. The two friends fall in love and stand by one another as their soon-to-be exs try to take their money. They find out that their love for one another is worth so much more than any lottery jackpot could ever be!

I am sitting here tonight, listening to Smokey snore on my bed without a care in the world and I wonder that same question I ask myself, seems like, all of the time. When it comes to true love, is mine out there? I believe it is, I mean, there is someone for everyone. In this day and age however, it isn’t as simple as asking someone out, especially when I set the bar for the next possible someone so high, but truthfully, it means I believe in myself and I know that someone ‘real’ is out there! Someone who is like me, a dreamer, a goal chaser, a person! Lynden has told me twice now in almost two years, that it is alright to date again. It makes me smile knowing that he cares so much, that he wants me to know that he is alright with it.

Truthfully, I have asked out a couple of great women since moving on my own, being turned down on both moments, one rather politely and one, being let go as a friend, never to be talked to again. See, it is always a risk! As a guy, you are supposed to play a game, make them chase you, hide your feelings so they will stay, lie and cheat and I am not that. I grew up watching my mother have her heart-broken repeatedly and learned what I didn’t want to do to someone else. In a relationship, you can want that in your heart and if two people are not on the same page in the book of love, things won’t work.

So why do I harp on this subject? Really, because it is the only thing missing from my life to make it complete and life is far to short to be incomplete. I have a rising career in writing, I have three amazing sons and I have many caring people around me, that God has put there to be a rock when needed.

I know she is out there and when we meet, it will be like nothing ever seen before. One guy, One girl, a friendship, a love and a family! That feeling alone gives me all of the hope I could ever ask for and know that my God is good! Even as I sit here with Smokey sleeping away, I am determined to Live With Passion! As ALWAYS, it means the world to me that you take the time out of your life to be apart of mine! Back to writing tomorrow night!

I’ll take single author for $500 Alex!

To my readers,

This is setting up to be the most soppy blog yet, so just bear with me, let me get this off of my chest…

I went to a cousin’s wedding today, it was a beautiful ceremony, he looked great and she looked lovely. They both looked very happy! Then there was me, sitting in the back row thinking about how my own marriage fell apart. Then I began to think about single life. I do have lots of evening time to finish Bk4 and rewrite Bk2 and Bk3, but this wedding hit me like a ton of bricks…I’m single and though I tell myself I am happy with that, the truth is, I really ain’t. I come home to my little one room house every night and listen to the sweet sound of nothing, no pitter patter of little feet, no arm reaching over in the night and someone saying, “I love you”.

For five months now I have shrugged it off, and remained focused on writing Marky, Slash & Levy, trying to complete it. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but give me that sword, at least I can defend myself with it. After ten years of living with another and fighting through every single thing that life can throw at a young couple, I think my ex and I fought as long as we could and simply grew very far apart.

Now some very good friends say, “Don’t push it, it will happen”. I’m sorry but what I want, I really am not sure if it ever will. My ex would even agree that her and I never really had much in common through the years. We liked different movies, hated one another’s choice in music and had no common ground when it came to reading books. We do have three wonderful sons and for that, I think it is safe to say that we are both thankful to each other.

But what about something real, something true to the bone? This day in age can a single guy not meet a single girl and from the moment they meet, they just know? That is the way that I have always been. I meet someone and I know if I would like to get to know them or not, the hang up is when I mention it to another girl, it often is like handing them a ‘Plague in a bottle’. See so many men today are ‘players’, they play the scene and then move on to the next. That just ain’t me. I meet someone because I am interested in them and want to share common interests with them, not because I am looking for the next piece of, (ya know).

Have we gone past the days when a man and woman just know, despite what anyone else thinks? They touch and there is a spark that gets their hearts beating?

Although I take some credit for my marriage not lasting, I think I am a hell of a guy, I love my sons with all of my heart, I love my writing and pray that some day the Lord will bless me with a career I can be proud of, I have goals, I care about my friends, and I care about myself and want to see myself smile because I am truly happy.

I want that old style love, when two people have a lot in common and love to share it with one another. I want to look like a fool right next to a woman who is looking like a fool. There’s a saying, “When you search for higher expectations, one must accept the thought that he will be thought of foolishly.”

I live in a small town, in a small county, where that type of thing just doesn’t happen often. No one is knocking at my door saying that I seem really nice and would like to go out to dinner with me. These days people meet at parties, but I ain’t a party animal. Or, they have friends that hook them up, but all of my close friends are married and settled down. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with another author, but that is not a common element around my neck of the woods. It is a nice idea, none the less.

I often relate myself to the character of Johnathon Treggar in the movie Serendipity. He meets a wonderful woman and he just knows, and he looks like the biggest fool in the world trying to search for her but he could care less. Or the character Will Hayes from the film, Definantly Maybe, he meets a wonderful woman and through a troubled relationship and a failed marriage, he finds he still cares for her and finally tells her how he has always felt.

I’m 32 years old and want a heck of a lot more out of life then what I am taking in. I’m just wondering is there a woman out there sitting in my shoes wanting the same thing?

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