For what it is worth…
Over a year ago I realized that I had fallen in love with a friend of mine. It just sort of happened on it’s own, I didn’t plan it, one day it hit me like “Wow, I didn’t see the ‘L’ word coming.” It’s easy for us to ‘like’ people in our lives but to love someone is more complicated than that.
You know, the kind of moments where you do something and wonder if that someone else would enjoy it as well. Or connecting on a crazy level because you understand what they heck they are going through. Yep, sounds odd for 2018 but it still happens people. We’re still out there!
So what do you do? You do the right thing, go for broke risk it all, risk looking foolish, risk loosing the friendship and you tell them exactly how you feel. Hey, tomorrow could be your last day and you don’t want any regrets, NONE!
I took that risk and and discovered the feeling was not mutual. Now I didn’t completely ruin the friendship but found that area where you say, “Ok, God, how do you turn this thing off?”
For a while I was embarrassed.
You see for three years I have been changing everything about me. It is on that process that is supposed to be all positive that I created something negative. For me to be happy, I developed a belief that love was a force to be avoided, that I had hurt long enough in my lifetime that the reason I felt great now was because I focused on a me that became incapable of love.
For seven days I have been overcome with the feeling I have avoided for several years now. It has been some of the hardest days of my life. That’s the thing about life, it will throw a wrench into your gears just to see if your paying attention.
Today, I realized that I have nothing to be embarrassed about. Yes, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same. Are they still my friend, YES THEY ARE!
You see, life is so short, tomorrow it could be over and who wants to die with a heart full of love? Love is a beautiful thing and if you feel it, for the love of Pete don’t hold it in! Someone may say no but enjoy the feeling of being in love, you know, that feeling when hearing their voice makes you tremble. That’s right this ‘old school’ guys is going ‘old school’ here.
The reality is, yes I am in love with a friend but I would rather love a friend then hate an enemy for the rest of my life!! Can I be a friend? Another way of asking that is “Do I want this person in my life?” Yes I do!
Someday someone is going to come along and do what I have failed to so and sweep them off their feet. But the test of any love for someone is wanting them to find love, even if it is not with you.
I’m likely in trouble once this is posted but that’s ok, because at this moment I have no regrets. Take today to live and love like there is no tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come!
The world could use more love!!