After ten years of writing, I am sitting here tonight, feeling beat up. God I miss my brother!! I wish I had someone here in this god awful lonely home to fill my evenings. I don’t know where to go or what to do! Tonight I feel as though I am just alive and that is it. God wake me from this decade long nightmare! I am a fighter who has forgotten how to fight. I want to succeed, I want to win, I won’t quit, I just do not know where to turn.