Tonight, I took my oldest son, Lynden to buy him a new winter coat. We walked in and I told him to pick out the one he wanted, even though it was not the choice I had first on my mind, it was a nice, warm winter coat and it was so much fun watching him smile over it. To know that him and his brothers will be warm this winter is the best feeling in the world. After paying my rent, my child support and this warm coat, I return home tonight, as broke as I was when I woke up this morning. today was also payday.
I’ve been writing for almost a decade and I can remember when I first wrote The Adventures of Marky, Slash & Levy. I began writing and could not contain myself! I was doing what I had always wanted to do and felt as though I was on top of the world! Truthfully, I am glad we don’t know what is coming down the road, if we did we might not fight for a dream! Had I of known back in 2003, when I started Book One, that ten years later, I would still be making the same amount of money, be living on my own and have close to 75 total rejections to my credit, it would have been so easy before I finished that first book to simply give up, say “I can’t do it”.
I share my one bedroom house with a black cat (of all things), that my son Ethan found as a stray, there are so many nights, that I sit at this computer and think about those rejections, 45 are in my filing cabinet and the other 30 some, are in a box in my closet. I think about being only 33, having three sons and praying to God that I can make it. I have to make it!
Since I began writing in 2003, I haven’t quit! I have taken breaks in between stories, but never said, “I quit!” Tonight, I sit here, hoping my blog does well, hoping my Facebook page will get a few “likes” and that an agent will be inspired by my work and my dream will come true. Earlier this year, I sent my work to one agency that I had met at a writer’s conference in Connecticut. They passed on one but liked Barney & Lexi : Lost In Lawrenceville. Being busy, they asked if I would check back with them in a few months and go from there. It felt great! After years of writing and working, I felt again, on top of the world.
Regrettably, I was turned down after waiting. The greatest heartbreak is to work so hard, get that small taste of accomplishment, then find yourself right back where you started from! Since then, I have tried to keep my head up, I have too! I’m not giving up on that agency either! I think about how the world of literary agents is someones opinion vs. your own. They have a nice living, they are living their dream, I am no different!
Truth is, tonight, while buying Lynden his winter coat, I could not help but wonder what I was going to eat for supper this week, being almost broke. I have lived off of cheap box mac and cheese for an entire year and I can tell you that it bogs you down and drains you of what you like to do. For me, it was running, I feel great when I am on the track and making my legs stronger! Lately, it is hard to climb out of bed, even when I have to be to work within 15 minutes. Still, tonight, I believe! I believe I am a great author! I believe that this will all pay off and there will be a day very very soon, that I will walk my boys into Kohl’s and pick out their coats and know that I earned the right not to worry!
When I look at my sons, I tell myself….I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY!!! Live With Passion