A Lonely Night

When we meet someone, is it safe to say that we just know? Yes, we like them, no we don’t? Can you meet someone and know you want to know them better? Can you know a person for only a short time and have a full proof set of ideas turned inside out and be replaced with new ones, no notice?

Question, why is it so hard to do something so very simple: meet someone?

Near the end of July, I was blessed with meeting an incredible woman, one who came into my world and changed everything about my way of thinking with it came to heartbreak and trying again. I went from a divorced father of three who was perfectly happy being alone, to a guy who could not stop smiling, even when bad things came by. People noticed the change and loved it, for once in a long time, I was starting to enjoy things I had long forgotten about.

When your 32 and divorced, their is no manual on how to meet someone in person. Does anyone really know? I feel that no matter what you just meet and take a chance. That was exactly what I did. Regrettably, some very good people are taken advantage of by others who only want one thing. They get it and then it’s “Get Out!” Or someone with a wonderful heart can be dragged along for so long only to have it be a dead-end.

What happens is that two similar individuals meet. They decide first off if they even like the other, something that I believe one finds out very quickly. Then you get to find out about one another, there likes, dislikes etc. If you like them and they have children, you show them that your arms are as wide open for them as they are for their parent.

Then comes the moment, you define it or it defines you. You feel inside that this is a great thing that could happen if allowed to. Then the past gets ya, not yours, theirs. It is here that you have to realize that absolutely none of their fear or stress is their doing, keep in mind their past suitors who have made your road damn near impossible to navigate. You can thank them at this point. It is because of these past players that your true intentions are met with reserve ans caution. It is this collision that meets with resistance with your idea of letting things happen as they do.

But you truly like this person, you want to get to know them, you want to be there when there children are there and not just when they are away. However they aren’t so changed by you as you are by them. Again, its another good time to thank the series of unfortunate events.

You can wait it out because it is worth it. If a bus is at the stop, do you wait to get on? If you win the lottery, do you put off going and getting your fair share? So why is it that when someone comes along, we always say we can wait it out. If two people connect, do you wait for everything to e just right?

After an amazing month, I find myself not being able to shut down this happiness I feel for a certain young woman. She has had an effect on my like no other, I worry that I have not had the same effect on her. Is it not the time to realize that you would just be blocking them from doing what they have to do in their lives with all of you’re hoping and believing and waiting? Your feelings are at a point where you have to go on with something great as a two-part tandem or you have to shut it down to keep from getting burnt.

Having scars of your own, your mind tells you, it is safest to back away, protect yourself, don’t get hurt. It is a fight to the finish, a battle of will vs. skill so to speak. You want to be the one to save the day, but your recognition of another’s lack of equal interest tells you to draw back, return to your shell, basically shut the system down.

It would be so nice if two people could just meet and take a chance, does it really ever happen? Maybe that is why the movies are made for us, to show us how it could be, not what it is most of the time. It is now that I draw back into my shell, as far as feelings from the heart go. Time to refocus on writing and go back to forgetting one of the greatest feelings on Earth. I am walking away for the second time in 2011 and also my life, only problem is, this time I don’t really want too!

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