This is setting up to be the most soppy blog yet, so just bear with me, let me get this off of my chest…
I went to a cousin’s wedding today, it was a beautiful ceremony, he looked great and she looked lovely. They both looked very happy! Then there was me, sitting in the back row thinking about how my own marriage fell apart. Then I began to think about single life. I do have lots of evening time to finish Bk4 and rewrite Bk2 and Bk3, but this wedding hit me like a ton of bricks…I’m single and though I tell myself I am happy with that, the truth is, I really ain’t. I come home to my little one room house every night and listen to the sweet sound of nothing, no pitter patter of little feet, no arm reaching over in the night and someone saying, “I love you”.
For five months now I have shrugged it off, and remained focused on writing Marky, Slash & Levy, trying to complete it. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but give me that sword, at least I can defend myself with it. After ten years of living with another and fighting through every single thing that life can throw at a young couple, I think my ex and I fought as long as we could and simply grew very far apart.
Now some very good friends say, “Don’t push it, it will happen”. I’m sorry but what I want, I really am not sure if it ever will. My ex would even agree that her and I never really had much in common through the years. We liked different movies, hated one another’s choice in music and had no common ground when it came to reading books. We do have three wonderful sons and for that, I think it is safe to say that we are both thankful to each other.
But what about something real, something true to the bone? This day in age can a single guy not meet a single girl and from the moment they meet, they just know? That is the way that I have always been. I meet someone and I know if I would like to get to know them or not, the hang up is when I mention it to another girl, it often is like handing them a ‘Plague in a bottle’. See so many men today are ‘players’, they play the scene and then move on to the next. That just ain’t me. I meet someone because I am interested in them and want to share common interests with them, not because I am looking for the next piece of, (ya know).
Have we gone past the days when a man and woman just know, despite what anyone else thinks? They touch and there is a spark that gets their hearts beating?
Although I take some credit for my marriage not lasting, I think I am a hell of a guy, I love my sons with all of my heart, I love my writing and pray that some day the Lord will bless me with a career I can be proud of, I have goals, I care about my friends, and I care about myself and want to see myself smile because I am truly happy.
I want that old style love, when two people have a lot in common and love to share it with one another. I want to look like a fool right next to a woman who is looking like a fool. There’s a saying, “When you search for higher expectations, one must accept the thought that he will be thought of foolishly.”
I live in a small town, in a small county, where that type of thing just doesn’t happen often. No one is knocking at my door saying that I seem really nice and would like to go out to dinner with me. These days people meet at parties, but I ain’t a party animal. Or, they have friends that hook them up, but all of my close friends are married and settled down. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with another author, but that is not a common element around my neck of the woods. It is a nice idea, none the less.
I often relate myself to the character of Johnathon Treggar in the movie Serendipity. He meets a wonderful woman and he just knows, and he looks like the biggest fool in the world trying to search for her but he could care less. Or the character Will Hayes from the film, Definantly Maybe, he meets a wonderful woman and through a troubled relationship and a failed marriage, he finds he still cares for her and finally tells her how he has always felt.
I’m 32 years old and want a heck of a lot more out of life then what I am taking in. I’m just wondering is there a woman out there sitting in my shoes wanting the same thing?